Funny Quotes About Life – Here are the best short funny and long quotes and really funny quotes and sayings. These quotes are short so very easy to remember and fun to make you laugh. Please feel free to submit your new funny quotes in the comments.
Funny Quotes About Life-
Work Funny Quotes, The Best Funny Quotes, Funny Quotes & Sayings About Football, Funny Quotes About Marriage. These all titles are cover in this article.
Work Funny Quotes:-
Funny quotes about work for a short break at the office or for a lunch break. You can tell these funny quotes to your boss, maybe he will increase your salary!
1.The world is divided into people who do things and people who get the credit.
2. Work is for people who don’t know how to play golf.
3.I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted a paycheck.
4.The work has created man, but neither laziness did not kill anybody.
5.There are two rules for success: Don’t tell all you know.
6. It’s a shame that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day is work. He can’t eat for eight hours, he can’t drink for eight hours, can’t make love for eight hours. The only thing a man can do for eight hours is work-William Faulkner
7.It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up-Muhammad Ali
8.The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working when you get up in the morning, and doesn’t stop until you get to the office-Robert Frost
9. I dream for a living.-Steven Spielberg
10.Doing nothing is very hard to do…you never know when you’re finished.– Leslie Nielsen
Funny Quotes About Work:
11. The golden rule of work is that the bosses jokes are ALWAYS funny– Robert Paul
12. Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down-Jimmy Durante
13. President Bush is trying to put a positive spin on the latest bad economic numbers. Today he declared victory in the ‘War on Jobs– Craig Kilborn
14. I like work: it fascinates me, I can sit and look at it for hours– Jerome K Jerome
15. People are still willing to do an honest day’s work. The trouble is they want a week’s pay for it.– Joey Adams
16. A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.– Mark Twain
17. A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.– Tenneva Jordan
18. Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects.– Arnold Glasow
19. A father is always making his baby into a little woman And when she is a woman he turns her back again.– Enid Bagnold
The Best Funny Quotes:-
All funny quotes are full of humor, but some of them will make you laugh out loud. Does no matter what is the subject, life quotes or funny quotes about marriage or funny quotes about work, you’ll have a great time reading few of the best funny quotes.
20.Fat kids are harder to kidnap.
21.Never go to bed angry, stay awake and plot your revenge.
22.If evolution is fact, why do mothers only have two hands?
23.Sex is not the answer. “Yes” is the answer.
24.After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, “No hablo ingles.
Funny Quotes & Sayings About Football:-
25.Alan Brazil: “I was sad to hear yesterday about the death of Inspector Morse, TV’s John Shaw.”– Talk Sport
26.Alan Brazil: “Do you know, I’ve been doing that all morning. John, if you’re listening, sorry mate.”Alan Brazil
27.Wasn’t it good to see Eric Cantina back in action? Let’s hope that this time he remembers that kicking people in the teeth is the Tory government’s job.– Tony Blair
28.Zero-zero is a big score.– Ron Atkinson
29.Julian Dicks has been everywhere … it’s like West Ham have got eleven Dicks out there.
30. Football’s not a matter of life and death … it’s more important than that.– Bill Shankly
31.We absolutely annihilated England. It was a massacre. We beat them 5-4.– Bill Shankly
32.If he had gunpowder for brains he couldn’t blow his cap off.
33.There’s nobody fitter at his age, except maybe Raquel Welch.– Ron Atkinson
34.I’m enjoying every day. I’ve tried everything: duck’s head, chicken’s head, chicken’s feet and bats and hopefully, if I keep that up, I’ll be flying.Paul Gascoigne
35.Now is the best time to start anything, If you wait for the perfect time, You will starve waiting.
36.If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend.
37.One of the ceaseless wonders of the world is the power of a smile.
38.I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON’T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER.
Quotes With Story:-
39.”Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you’ve got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn’t your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.”– Jerry Seinfeld.
A quote junkie, that is. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been collecting quotes dealing with anything and everything (my shrink says it’s a little obsessive… but that’s another story).
And for a quote to hit my “private files”, it needs to either lift me up…or make me wet myself.
40.”I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don’t seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.”– Emo Philips.
Usually I’ll send quotes to my friends or family, and they end up begging for more.
The thing is, I got tired of constantly sending a funny quote here, a goofy quote there. It got to be a pain. So that’s why…
My Quote Obsession is Your Reward
Instead of having people bug me to send them more quotes, or share my private files, I decided to start up a little quote newsletter.
Each week, on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, I’ll blast out a funny quote or funny quotation to anyone who wants it…for FREE.
41.”You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent? That’s why I never take baths.”– Steven Wright.
42.”Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.”– Charlotte Whitton.
43.”She looked as if she’d been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say ‘when’.”– PG Wodehouse.
44.”I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.”– Will Rogers.
Nothing fancy. Nothing complicated. Just good old funny, humorous quotes…guaranteed to bring a smile to your face in 30 seconds or less.
Imagine…you can get FREE funny quotes and quotations delivered to you every morning. What a great way to start off the workday…with a smile!
Funny Friendship Quotes:-
45. I was the kid next door’s imaginary friend.– Emo Philips
46.Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.– Thomas Jones
47.Women have a passion for mathematics. They divide their age in half, double the price of their clothes, and always add at least five years to the age of their best friend.– Marcel Achard
48.I don’t understand you. You don’t understand me. What else do we have in common?– Ashleigh Brilliant
Funny Marriage Quotes:-
49.A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.– Ralph Waldo Emerson
50.A man in love is incomplete until he has married, then he is finished.– Zsazsa Gabor
51.Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences.– Isadora Duncan
52.An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.– Agatha Christie
53.Women will never be as successful as men because they have no wives to advise them.– Dick Van Dyke
54.Honolulu, it’s got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife’s mother.-Ken Dodd
55.Before marriage a man yearns for a woman. Afterward the “y” is silent.– W. A. Clarke
56.I hate work. That’s why I got married.– Peg Bundy
57.Marriage is a matter of give and take, but so far I haven’t been able to find anybody who’ll take what I have to give.– Cass Daley
58.Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.– Rich Jeni
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